What does being beautiful mean to you?

It’s beautiful to take care of yourself and be grateful for what you have. It’s cliché but I truly believe beauty starts from the inside. Your outlook on life — and that includes shedding any unnecessary (non-physical) weight or burdens — allows you to be happier and lighter, and in turn, a more beautiful person. My parents cared very much about my looks when I was younger. While my siblings and I felt it was coming from a place of love, support and well-meaning, in hindsight, it was damaging to us girls to have so much importance placed on our appearances, especially our weight. It manifested into self-confidence issues when I became a teenager and adult.

Who holds the responsibility for spreading healthy perceptions of beauty?

We all do. Every individual can make a difference, whether it’s by vocalising our opinions on social media or just by becoming open-minded and starting a dialogue with friends and audiences big and small. Obviously, mainstream media reaches millions of people and that makes it important for big corporations, fashion houses, advertising companies and the like to ensure their messaging is supportive and encouraging of healthy perceptions of beauty, but we  as individuals have to let go of any biases we may have adopted growing up.

Has anyone ever commented on your skin colour?

No, though that doesn’t mean we’re all free from judgement.

What’s it like to be a white woman in Singapore?

I’ve never had to think much about the colour of my skin, and that says a lot about the reality of white privilege. It’s important for me to acknowledge that as much as I feel Singaporean, I’m still considered an outsider for having white skin — no matter how many decades I have spent here. While the colour of my skin doesn’t affect my personal sense of beauty, there have been times when people have commented on my physical looks, appearance or beauty without mentioning the colour of my skin — but it was obvious that the comment was made because I’m white or different to what people are used to seeing and have grown up with. I’m aware that I often stand out as the ang moh in the group, which makes me uncomfortable.

What does being beautiful mean to you?

Being beautiful to me means not giving a f—ck about what people think. Just living authentically in a way that is true to myself. It’s something I struggled with quite a bit because society tells you that you need to be one thing but you feel like you are another. It’s not always easy to feel like you are living a truly authentic life. People have tried to put me in a box but I’ve rebelled against it so much they have stopped trying.

Was there a time when you cared about what people thought?

It has taken me a long time to get to where I am now. When I was younger, I definitely cared a lot about what my family and friends thought of me. I’ve since come to realise, through growing up, that if you give people the power to dictate how you live your life, you will never be happy.

In what respect have you tried to gain public approval?
I have always been quite open about my sexuality — I’m gay and have been out since I was 15 — but support didn’t come from every direction. I know that I’m not going to get everyone’s approval so I just have to live my own life. I’m happy and I love who I love. I grew up in a very religious family, so it was very tough in that respect, but my friends have always stuck by me and I have always surrounded myself with people who never judged me. That helped immensely. It wasn’t always easy but it has been ok.

You’re brave.

Thank you. Having said that, I definitely had it easier than a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community. Though we have strict laws here, I’ve been quite protected in a way. I read about things that happen to people of colour who are gay — not so much here but in America, the number of people who get killed every day just for being gay, Hispanic or black is crazy. Living in Singapore and being part of the majority race has afforded me some protection. Chinese privilege definitely exists.

What does being beautiful mean to you?

Being beautiful is just as much about being confident in your own skin as it is about feeling comfortable with different. We wake up looking a little different every day and it’s about being comfortable with that, with change. You shouldn’t feel beautiful because of what you see in the mirror but because of how you feel inside — that’s how I have been raised at home. My mum never told me how I should dress or how I should look. Instead, she encouraged me to go inward. That really is the forefront of beauty to me.

Do you think you’re beautiful?

I do identify myself as beautiful — physically, mentally, emotionally. It’s a blessing, inside and out. I’m privileged to be blessed with good genes but I also have great people around me who empower me, reminding me that I don’t have to fit into a certain mould to be beautiful. Because I don’t fit within the French mould of beauty. Nor the Singaporean one at that. Visually, those who are slim, straight-haired and have fair-skinned are considered beautiful in Singapore. I don’t have the body type; I can hardly fit into bottoms here because I’ve got hips! When I go to France, they think I have “Asian eyes” so I’m Asian; in Singapore, I’m told the opposite. It can be confusing. I’m thankful I grew up in a household that embraced me for myself. I am who I am and I should rock it.

Has anyone ever commented on your skin colour?

I have quite a “neutral” skin colour so it’s never been a factor. Having said that, I do think that people are judged based on their skin colour in Singapore although we are a multiracial country. My friend who is brown recently told me that she always felt that growing up, she had to “scrub away her darkness” and she was told to put powder on her face every day before she left home. My partner said the same thing. He’s brown too and powder was and still is a part of his daily life though he’s a grown man. It’s become a habit because his father used to tell him and his sister to put powder on to whiten their skin. I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

Has our perception of beauty changed over the years?

Definitely. Beauty was very whitewashed when I was a kid — people looked to the white community and they thought that was beauty. We hardly embraced our Asian features; we are embracing that a little more now but it’s always very extreme — suddenly it’s great to look super oriental. I think Singaporeans don’t really know where to fit in because we are not super Oriental, nor are we super Western. We fall somewhere in the middle and that’s a beauty that we have not yet learned to love.

What does being beautiful mean to you?

Someone who is beautiful radiates warmth, kindness and authenticity. True beauty isn’t just about appearances but how one treats others and makes others feel. You could be physically attractive but also be attractive to others based on who you are, and your personality.

Do you think you’re beautiful?

I never thought of myself as beautiful when I was younger; I was still coming to terms with my body for being plus-sized — it was hard to accept that, which people told me again and again is unattractive. I cared too much about what others thought; I didn’t know any better. Now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve learnt that I don’t need validation from anyone else as long as I’m being the best possible version of myself. I appreciate myself a lot more, I’m really thankful for what I have and I’m loving the capacity that I can give to my loved ones. I feel beautiful — yes!

What’s it like to be a Malay woman in Singapore?

It’s funny you ask because I often get mistaken for being of another ethnicity because I’m either thought as fairer or darker than what people expect a Malay person to look like. My three-year-old daughter, who shares my skin colour, has also been mistaken for being of another ethnicity. It’s very intriguing. It surprises me that people still feel that ethnicities have “fixed” skin tones today. I’m sure almost everyone has family members or friends who have joked about their skin colour. There are also old wives’ tales. When I was pregnant, I was told to drink more white or light-coloured beverages so that I’ll give birth to a fairer child; if I drink dark-coloured drinks, my baby would be darker. I wonder who comes up with these beliefs!

Has our perception of beauty changed over the years?

Our perception of beauty has widened to be more inclusive. We are seeing more plus-sized women (like body-positivity activist Ashley Graham) grace the covers of fashion magazines, more women of different races and ethnicities represented in advertisements, and more people stepping out of their shell and society’s expectations to dress in ways that allow them to express their individuality. It’s not a perfect time, but it is leaps and bounds better than where we were a decade ago.

What does being beautiful mean to you?
Being beautiful is about who you are as a person. If you are a nice, kind, human being, you naturally will emote beauty. Beauty doesn’t have to be a physical attribute at all; it’s beyond that. My parents never used the word on me, but I don’t think they really needed to. There was so much love around and when you feel loved, little else matters because when you feel loved, you feel important. And that feeds the soul most.

Are there any pitfalls to being beautiful?

I’ve been told that I “look so much better in real life”. Compliments are lovely but I do hope my face is not all anyone sees. I’m really lucky because the industry I’m in now has been all about physical appearances, and a lot of the opportunities I’ve had… I think were given to me because of the way I look. It has opened doors for me in ways that I could never have imagined. At the same time, I know I have to work three times harder because of my appearance and what I wear — my hijab. I do feel that I have to prove myself, that I’m not just a pretty face.

The world is a lot nicer to pretty people.

It’s definitely a barrier to break through, a kind of beauty glass ceiling, if you will. That’s how life is — it’s not just an affliction within the industry. The world cares so much about the physical appearance. But no matter what you look like, you have to knock on every door you can knock on and prove your worth. And you do that by working hard.

Now that social media reigns supreme, has our relationship with media changed?

For a long time, we’ve blamed the media for encouraging unattainable standards of beauty. In the past, they were the ones shaping the world’s point of view of what we “should” look like. But now, there’s an awareness, that the images we see from the media are an illusion. It’s all a fantasy. I hope that people know it’s a fantasy. Because at the end of the day, they’re just pictures. Real life is what matters.

What does being beautiful mean to you?

Beauty is so much more than meets the eye. It comes in all shapes and forms and sizes and colours, which really means that we are all beautiful — no matter what we look like. It doesn’t matter if you are still struggling to accept your skin, or still struggling to accept your body. There is beauty in there and for the girl who has already accepted herself and who knows that this is her version of beauty, she has imperfections, and that it’s ok, that’s beautiful too. There is beauty in all of us, we have to see that. It doesn’t matter if other people do not see it but as long as we realise it, it’s all good.

How do you define body positivity?

It doesn’t matter to me what someone else’s definition of beauty is. This is exactly how I am, and I am different. There may not be a ton of people who look like me and are portrayed or featured in the media. Most of the time, those who receive airtime are thin. You don’t see plus-sized women, you don’t see coloured women, you don’t see women with very visibly fat bodies. You see curvy women…maybe. But that doesn’t mean the rest of us with different bodies don’t exist.

Has anyone ever made comments about your appearance?

My family has made comments about [my] appearance. They definitely have said that I’m beautiful, so I have never thought that I am not beautiful in my family — but I was also told that I could be thinner. I grew up thinking that I have to be smaller, that my size is something I should change. I don’t fault my family because that’s what they know and if I wasn’t told those things, I wouldn’t be on this journey to discover that size isn’t really that important, and that I don’t need to be skinny to be beautiful. There were also times when I put my life on hold because I thought everything will be perfect when I get skinny. I suffered from self-esteem issues in my 20s; that is why discovering body positivity was so important and so helpful to me.

What’s it like to be an Indian woman in Singapore?

People used to tell me that I’m “very pretty for an Indian girl” and that I’m “very beautiful for a dark-skinned woman”. What does that even mean? And to think that I get it really easy as compared to other plus-sized girls because I have a curvy body and a conventional beautiful face. I’m not that dark, I’m kind of olive, I have curly hair… I have good stuff by society’s skewed standards. I am what they consider “good fat”. There are a lot of other people who get it worse and they must be appreciated and accepted as well.

What does being beautiful mean to you?

If you have a beautiful personality, I will judge you based on that. The inside is more important than the outside, but if you’re beautiful outside too? That’s a bonus.

Is the phrase “black is beautiful” applicable in Singapore?

Those who think that my skin colour is a hype are disgusting. I’ve gotten comments such as, “Oh, your skin is on trend right now” and “I’ll date a girl of colour” because it’s suddenly cool to be black. On the other hand, my African friends and I don’t always feel very appreciated nor accepted here. When we walk down the street with our Afro hair, people look at us differently, like we’re strange. So what if I don’t have straight hair or fair skin? I’ve lived here all my life, I’m 100 percent Singaporean; I’m so Singaporean I even speak Singlish! But Singapore is still very narrow-minded. I was bullied as a kid because of how I look. That’s too bad because our skin and hair deserve to be seen as and called beautiful.

At what age did you realise you were different?

When I went to an international nursery. My mother thought that environment would be more accepting of me, but that wasn’t the case. Most international kids there were Caucasian and they were vicious. Because I wore my hair naturally (and my mother didn’t know about braiding then yet), kids would say that my hair was so big it was crazy. They teased me, called my hair “broccoli”. For a while, it was hurtful and I begged my mom to let me straighten my hair. I’m glad she never let me, and always told me I’m beautiful just the way I am. Because of her, I’m modelling today. Now, I love my hair. I want to grow it out and wear it completely natural.

Who holds the responsibility of spreading healthy perceptions of beauty?

Everybody is responsible. Even my family who has seen its fair share of racism is still very old-fashioned where body shapes are concerned. Whenever someone says something insensitive or unkind, I make it known that it’s not right. Imagine is everybody did that; if we all educated the people around us, progress will be faster and acceptance won’t be a novelty but the norm.