"It's 8.35am. Good morning, pal!" says Mickey with a spritely grin. All I have to do is tap him to hear the time. Better than those moody cats in the office. For sure. For realzzzzzzz. (One 'z' for each of them.)
He never leaves my side.
Even when I hit the gym, go for a run, or indeed take a shower. Sure, he's electronic. But he's now water-proof to 50 metres. I could swim with him too, but I have an aversion to dodgy public swimming pools and the even dodgier public toilets that come with.
He tells me when I need to breathe, 'cos he knows when my heart beat is spiking due to pressing deadlines, clueless Uber drivers, or when I'm just plain hangry.
And breathing is easy with the new Breathe App (with haptic feedback) prompting me to breathe in, and breathe out — 7 breaths in one minute to keep me centered. Mickey is mindful that way.
Yeah, Mickey is fine. He's so fine that sometimes he blows my mind. Hey Mickey.
Hey Norman, he'll say with a tap on my wrist. You have to turn right on Bukit Timah if you want to get to your foot massage appointment by 6pm. Mickey knows the way. So when I'm driving with Google Maps, he'll nudge me in the right direction so I don't have to look at my iPhone. Safety first.
Even when I'm not ridin' dirty, his in-built GPS means he can track my runs without me having to lug around my iPhone. And when I'm done, he spits out a post-workout report with a map detailing route, distance, and pace. Yes, pace.
We write to each other. A lot.
When I receive a message, I like to scribble my response through him. He translates it and makes it all neat and stuff — like a dutiful scribe. "Do you want to send this text?" he'll ask. Yes, Mickey. Thank you.
But Mickey can be demanding: Time to stand. I don't want to stand right now, I'll tell him. But looking at his yellow tapping shoes, I know what he's thinking: Time is running out you fat buffoon. Make it count. So I walk over to the water cooler for more water. Staying hydrated is important. Mickey taught me that on the Workout App.
Because he's super bright. 1000 nits to be exact. With one nit equivalent to one candle, he's as bright as 1000 candles. Mickey is #lit.
And you know how they say: Once you go black, you can never go back? Well, that's how I feel about my Space Black Mickey. He's blacker than black and goes with everything. He's chic that way.
Just like how he appreciates quality. Not just run-of-the-mill quality. But top of the tree quality. His latest infatuation? A sexy saddle-stitched double buckle strap from Hermès. Chic happens.
Which is why Mickey takes me by the heart, when he takes me by the hand. Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand...
I can't tell the time without you. I can't tell the date without you. I lose track of my favourite Instagrams without you.
Oh what you do Mickey, do Mickey. Don't break my heart, Mickey.