Ashley Graham in Zac Posen and Gemma Chan in Valentino Haute Couture: here, the mainstream culture's full spectrum for expressions of womanhood (LOL)
Marie Kondo in Jenny Packham: steaming this number after folding it, then rolling it into a ball for storage must be hell.
Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen: aaaah hip pads — every drag queen's best friend (and if you think that's an insult, it's time to check your homophobia)
Danai Gurira in Brock Collection: forget 'dress for the job you want'... Dress for the *prize* you want for that job.
Glenn Close in Carolina Herrera: ditto. Still not an Oscar winner (Close is criminally underrated), but a red carpet victor for sure.
Constance Wu in Versace: when the colour of your dress matches the closing number of your hit film.
Olivia Colman in Prada: at once regal and a touch eccentric, just like her Oscar-winning portrayal of Queen Anne.
Kiki Layne in Atelier Versace: we're calling it — this girl is one to watch closely on the red carpet.
Regina King in Oscar de la Renta: oh, look! Another white (we're talking about the dress) Oscar winner.
Brie Larson in Celine: Captain Marvel's thigh slit looked ideal for high-kicking reporters with vapid questions.
Emilia Clarke in Balmain: see that saucy grin? She's thinking about her wages for the final season of GoT.
Emma Stone in Louis Vuitton: proof that bronze, and not bronzer, is the way to go on the red carpet.
Laura Harrier in Louis Vuitton: sparkly blue eyeshadow is a tough sell under any circumstances, but Harrier pulled it off with a gown to match.
Tessa Thompson in Chanel Haute Couture: we are saddened thinking that this may be one of the final Lagerfeld looks we'll see on the RC.
Michelle Yeoh in Elie Saab: as usual, serving girliness that's worlds away from her Crazy Rich Asians character.
Lucy Boynton in Rodarte: the actress is cleverly aligning herself with the brand, which has a documented penchant for blonde ingenues.
Rachel Weisz in Givenchy Haute Couture: red pleather at the Oscars. Oh, the times we're living in!
Sarah Paulson in Brandon Maxwell: is anyone else having raspberry cravings all of a sudden?
Octavia Spencer in Christian Siriano: we're here for the Spencer-Siriano love-in.
Serena Williams in Armani Privé: don't tell us she's looking to expand into acting... That's just an irresponsible amount of talent for one human being, lawd.