Small packages: Seven unlikely things we’d fit into Jacquemus’s tiny Mini Chinquito bag
In much the same way one is encouraged to grab only the absolute essentials — if anything, really — when escaping a house fire, Simon Porte Jacquemus's Mini Chinquito bag from his fall/winter 2019 runway is encouraging us to carry only what's necessary in quotidian life. The designer may admittedly have gone overboard, since the Mini Chinquito can't even accommodate a smartphone (arguably the basic unit of modern life); nevertheless, we had a really good think of what we'd cram into that compact cutie, listed below for your polite consideration.
1. A couple of Panadol: for anytime you “cannot” with your family/friends/colleague/significant other, i.e. all the time. Frequent refilling is a given.
2. A safety pin: to hold your life together when the Panadol doesn't cut it; plus, if you feel unexpectedly judged for your basic OOTD and need a quick way to get subcultural, bam! Whack on a randomly place safety pin for instant personality (jks).
3. A house key (singular): for home access, obviously, but also for holding between your knuckles when you’re walking home late at night… Happy International Women’s Day!
4. A Yupi gummy hamburger: because we will never stop wishing for a return to childhood. Adulting is so haaard, you guysss.
5. A thumb drive filled with explosive state secrets: after successfully blackmailing a world leader, you may finally be able to afford a properly-sized bag. BRB, Googling 'espionage for idiots'.
6. A coin for flipping and making decisions: ‘cause us women are so *voice dripping in sarcasm* famously indecisive!
7. The ego of one insecure man bwahahaha #masculinitysofragile.