1. When your friends bailed on you at the last minute, then you find out they're at Kult Kafe watching a gig through a mutual friend's Snapchat.

"Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each other's awesomeness?"

2. When you first meet an attractive member of the same sex, and try to act like it's no big deal (secretly though, you want to come up close and smell her hair).

"You're a regulation hottie."

3. When that annoying friend of yours spends a good 15 minutes at the dinner table trying to get the right filter onto his or her #ootd for Instagram. 

Wow, Damien, you've truly out-gayed yourself.  

Lizzy Caplan as Janis Ian in Mean Girls

4. When someone makes a crack at your bad hair day and you want to get back in a way that really hits home.

"Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?"
"Your mom's chest hair!"

5. When you want to give real talk to a friend who's overloaded on a floral or fruity-scented perfume.

"You smell like a baby prostitute."

For last week's #WomanCrushWednesday, click here.